Although the world of psychology has made huge strides, I was concerned that we, as kallah teachers, hadn’t yet caught up

Name: Mindy Wiesner

Location: Melbourne, Australia

Dream: Enhance kallah training

My parents’ home in Melbourne was open to everyone, be it a meshulach from Tzfas or a mechutan from New York. My parents’ patience with their guests, whether agreeable or not, was my first lesson in recognizing the precious soul within each person.

While we’re Belzer chassidim, the school I attended was a cross section of every stripe of Yid, from chassidish to unaffiliated. That’s where I learned to connect to anyone, because it’s not what we wear that defines us but what’s inside — we all have the same fears, hopes, and desires.

Ever since I was a teen, the idea of marriage intrigued me. How could two disparate people, each with their own worldview, build a successful partnership? What made one marriage thrive and another flounder?

I married the boy across the street, literally, and soon my earlier interest morphed into a specific ambition to become a kallah teacher. My opportunity came when a kallah teacher friend of mine, who was moving abroad, trained me in.

The halachos were the relatively easy part of what I needed to learn. Today’s kallahs face different challenges than my friends and I did. Technology’s constant bombardment of stimulation and faux friendship discourage introspection and genuine connection. Additionally, boundaries have become blurred as topics that were once considered taboo are now freely discussed. I knew that reaching these girls would require a deep understanding of their challenges, founded on a bedrock of solid Torah wisdom.

My first stop was the local Torah center’s library. I read every single sefer and book on the topic of marriage. Anything I’ve learned since is held up against the Torah framework to see if it passes muster. Only then do I integrate it into my toolbox.

I then trained as a life coach via the Twerski Institute’s remote learning program. I continued, training as a clinical mental health counselor. PATH, where I studied, has a goal of educating kallah teachers, rabbanim, and dayanim in mental health as it relates to shalom bayis.

As I studied, I began to understand why marriage therapists used to get a bad rap. A generation ago, therapists would approach couples’ counseling as a double dose of individual counseling, not realizing that a couple is far more complex than the sum of two individuals. Although the world of psychology has made huge strides, I was concerned that we, as kallah teachers, hadn’t yet caught up.