Families can solve their own problems by accessing the skills they already have

Presenting Problem: Leah and Yehuda come for help with their daughter’s difficult behavior.

Tools Used: Structural Family Therapy

Recap: The C. Family came into treatment to seek help in managing the behavior of their third daughter, Shevy. Shevy is at risk of being expelled and her attitude is affecting the entire family. Her parents, Yehuda and Leah, are in the process of learning Structural Family Therapy. While two of the older daughters came for a session, Shevy refuses to attend.

The following week, Yehuda and Leah came alone. After I welcomed them, they sat down and got right into it.

“Shevy refuses to come. We met with her principal on Monday. Shevy was there. We shared that we were getting family therapy help, but Shevy started to cry and said she refuses to come.”

“How did that make you feel?” I asked.

“Honestly, a part of me was relieved to see Shevy cry. It showed she actually cares about something. But I’m concerned that she won’t even give family therapy sessions a chance.”

“I hear why that may cause you some anxiety, but remember, the essence of Structural Family Therapy is to look at the whole system. An individual’s symptoms are best understood when examined in the context of family interactional patterns. Everyone’s behaviors are interconnected.”

“Right. I guess I just find that hard to believe.” Leah looked at Yehuda. “But I’m willing to give it a try. At the school, we made up a behavioral contract together, and the principal said as long as Shevy stuck to the basic conditions of the contract, and we continue to seek outside support, then she can stay in the school.”

“It’s good they’re not forcing her to come, but are still setting strong boundaries. How is it going so far?”

“Well, it’s only been three days, but it seems like there’s less conflict at school. I think she sees we’re really serious. She doesn’t want to leave her friends and have that type of record. Shevy sees we’re coming here, united. I think she’s scared.”

“It’s amazing what a little bit of structure and consistency can do. That’s the reworking of boundaries and alliances in action. How about the other girls?”

“They would’ve come back if we forced them. But they were less than enthusiastic. Is it possible for us to act like ambassadors for the family? Can we come and learn the skills and bring it home ourselves?”

“Yes. SFT can be done even with just one person. It’s better with more people for the reenactment of scenarios, but if you can record the most problematic incidents that happen at home, and we can do the processing and reframing here, then you can bring it back home to share with your kids.

“I’d recommend everyone be there for your family meetings. Even if the others are quieter or not directly involved, the purpose is a joining of the family unit and developing the family’s strengths, which involves everyone.”

Yehuda and Leah agreed that they thought this would be possible. They earmarked Sunday evening right after dinner for family discussions.