Can we revamp a shidduch system that leaves too many behind?

They are three ordinary frum Jews with busy lives, jobs, and responsibilities. But they spent days and nights worrying about a shidduch system that leaves too many behind. With the support of gedolim and rabbanim, they’ve joined forces for a concerted and systematic effort to uncover the real roots of the crisis. Here is their evolving story.

Will you help pen the next chapter?

Monsey roads tend to be idyllic, dotted with the prototypical brick-blended-with-stucco homes and cars with “Thank You Hashem” bumper stickers in the driveway. An early morning walk might find you inhaling wisps of dew-soaked air, basking in the natural music of birds chirping, crickets singing and the occasional scurrying of deer from behind a cluster of trees.

But for the vice-president of one commercial security-integration company, it’s all an off-beat harmony to a far more dominant sound: The lonely cry for help from thousands who’ve done nothing wrong but suffer so much. He hears it wherever he goes; the pain of those hurt by the shidduch crisis, cranked to an earsplitting octave.

At some point he decided it was enough, it was time for something dramatic to happen.

Because Avi Schwab wants to hear the universe sing again.

Thinking Big

Avi couldn’t disguise his sincerity even if he tried. His company is called Care Security Systems, and “care” is a motif that seems to follow him wherever he goes. Whether it’s running a simchah room from his basement or hosting the many guests who consider themselves like family, chesed is a running theme in the Schwab home. But uppermost on their minds and hearts has long been the topic of shidduchim.

After years of concern and conversation, Avi has recently joined a team in launching the Monsey Shidduch Initiative, or MSI. The program operates with a representative system, where two full-time “advocates” pair girls with shadchanim who are dedicated only to the girls in their charge. The initiative is just a few months old, but has already proved successful and has been received with widespread popularity.

But sincere concern will never limit itself to one locale. The Monsey Shidduch Initiative is wonderful, but it services only Monsey, and the thousands of broken hearts and shattered dreams extend well beyond that. To help all the others, something much greater had to happen.

It was Simchas Torah of 2021, and Avi, a longtime friend and neighbor of Reb Leizer Scheiner, was invited to the famed philanthropist’s house for a post-hakafos kiddush.

“I approached Leizer and said, ‘You’re a guy who knows how to do big things. For shidduchim, something big needs to be done. Something that takes on a macro perspective. There are so many wonderful people running so many wonderful organizations. Yet there’s no one entity taking achrayus for the whole picture.’ ”

Reb Leizer was receptive, and he and Avi met for a follow-up discussion shortly after Yom Tov. Avi came well prepared, with a PowerPoint presentation elegantly detailing his ideas, and spared no time launching into a well-thought-out description of the problem and his visions for solution.

But Reb Leizer’s response was short and blunt. “I need data,” he said. “I need to know the actual numbers. We can hypothesize all we want, but we won’t get down to the bottom of this until we really understand what’s going on.”

Avi admits he was frustrated. “Why can’t we just do something?” he said. But Reb Leizer held his ground. “Anything that’s good takes time,” he said firmly. “We can’t rush into this.” Then Reb Leizer offered one last piece of advice.

“There’s a fellow in Lakewood by the name of Ari Berkowitz. He’s the publisher of the Voice of Lakewood. Give Ari a call.”

Avi dutifully took down the number, and when he had a few spare minutes, he dialed.