Insightful women over 65 share their reflections on aging gracefully — and how to find happiness at all ages and stages

On Family

Your family is your greatest treasure. If, when your children are growing up, you can make them feel that their home is the best place to be, the place they’re always wanted, you’ll foster their self-esteem and happiness. They’ll take that feeling with them when they build their own homes. Best of all, they’ll keep returning for visits, making your house noisy and messy again — and you’ll be the happiest person in the world!

—Mrs. Tzortel Katz,Eim Bayis, Beis Dina Rochel, a.k.a. Gateshead “New” Seminary

As you get older, you learn to take a deep breath and pause before reacting to anything. Learn to appreciate what you have, rather than look at what you’re missing.. If you look at those who have less, you will  feel incredibly rich with the relatives you have.

—Mrs. Dina Moseson, Yerushalayim

As I experienced more of life, I realized that I’d wronged some of my children in my younger years. I didn’t want to leave it like that, so I did some soul searching and wrote each child a letter, verbalizing both my love and my regrets. I made the apologies I owed them, and I’m so glad I did. I feel like now my kids don’t have to worry “What does Mommy really think of me?” because they know the answer.

—Mrs. Chava Prager* ,Flatbush

The family is baruch Hashem growing and branching out; I like to help them stay connected. Having two families over together for Yom Tov and watching the children play together gives me a lot of nachas. Occasionally, I invite over a few grandchildren in the same age group. If you can’t manage too much hosting, getting everyone together for Chanukah and Chol Hamoed gatherings helps, as well as a group chat where everyone can post their kids’ milestones and news. I won’t mention the chat they have without me, as in “Who is going to Mommy for Shabbos?” “Not me, I don’t want to go this time...”

I also believe it’s important to stretch yourself, both physically and mentally, giving everyone attention and visiting every child at regular intervals, even at the expense of your own comfort. I shep nachas watching my kids run their own homes, and I get to know the einiklach much better on their own turf.

—Mrs. Esther Perl, Monsey

No longer are we the diaper changers or even the PTA moms — but we can enjoy being the savta par excellence. It took a while to adjust, but when I realized that a fun savta is a gift I can give my grandchildren, I focused on building relationships with them. We’ve been on hikes together and played endless board games. And of course, I’ve carefully chosen and delivered endless birthday gifts.

—Rebbetzin Malka Kaganoff, author, educator, and lecturer, Yerushalayim

Although our children are the center of our lives, we are not the center of theirs. We have to make our own lives relevant and not expect our children to entertain us. We made our mistakes when raising them (gasp!) and we have to allow our children to make their own, without interfering unecessarily. Ahem... it’s not like they’re asking our advice! I made up my mind long ago that I would not be the “story” at the young wives’ table when they were discussing mothers-in-law. Look away and forgive, always. Give and give some more.

—Mrs. Sarah Moses Spero, wife, mother and grandmother who spends her days enjoying being a part of her children’s lives and tries not to get in the way...